I think I probably sabotaged myself from getting hired by admitting that I had/have (does it matter?) clinical depression. It would be easy to brush it off by claiming it's their loss, but who's kidding right? I am still sponging off my parents. But really, I'm apathetic to my employment status when I'm perpetually in the state of not wanting to live, and yet won't put in effort to die either. Yes, I'm having a slight depressive episode, but I won't do anything stupid. I play out the various scenarios in which I die, some more grotesque than others. 

I guess I can never commit myself to anything anymore since I can't envision much of my future; I'm content with living a mediocre meaningless existence.