I've finally finished this book titled The Angel's Game.
It was a Spanish thriller that was translated into English.

Anyway, the pace in the second half of the book was so quick and the content so creepy it felt more like horror. Something that I did not appreciate before bedtime.
The corpse count was so freaking high that I almost thought I was going crazy along with the protagonist in the book because I believed in his innocence in the killings.
It was like almost everyone he came into contact to in order to discover the truth ends up dead shortly after.

Moving on to more predictable and less turbulent thrillers.

Don't know If I am dizzy from:

a) Lack of sleep
b) Haze
c) Putting on my new spectacles
d) All of the above

But I do know I'm going to collapse soon.
Shall go to sleep early today.

The Oreo Cheesecake was tragic because it didn't set well.
Hate working with gelatin.
Shall go for baked ones next time.

My adorable nieces.

A bit sad that I won't get to see Alannah (the one on the right) for 3 months because she's going to Sydney with my sister. Sometimes, they are the ones giving me strength to go on because I want to see what they will grow up to be like.

Alright, back to crushing Oreos.

Finished watching Zenkai Girl over the week after work.

It's about an aspiring, hardworking lawyer who wants to marry a rich and handsome man to enjoy living in the lap of luxury, because she struggled through poverty for her whole life. She ends up interning at a major Japanese law firm to be the baby sitter of her boss' bratty daughter, and meets a divorced chef specialising in French cuisine (whom she early on mistakes as a pervert). As expected, she falls in love with him after their many interactions, since the chef's son and her boss' daughter are in the same school.

Definitely a feel-good romantic comedy that's worth watching. The child actors are adorable (even though I'm not a fan of toddlers usually), and they provided some tear-jerking moments in the later episodes.

Love the show and the theme song is now stuck in my head.

How do you cut off a "friend" who is not contributing to the team actively, sleeps most of the time in office, and plays his iTouch all day long?

This is in light of the scenario that there is a halving of office space, and having 8 people who are designated appointment holders in a 20m2 room.

No doubt he is relatively good-natured, he has incurred the dislike of different people on separate occasions such that almost all the appointment holders in the department is turned against him. I am however not too concerned, given that he does not occupy my space or interfere with my work.

I feel cruel in using the chance of stocktake to discourage him from entering the office and subsequently insinuating that his presence is not welcomed in the office by others (which is true).

He has only 3 months left to go and he is making an effort to redeem himself.

Sometimes it seems to me that his efforts are pathetic, because we know that history has repeated itself since we moved twice in the span of the 6 months. He only bothers to buck up when his place in the office is threatened.

But I can't helped being pricked by conscience because I feel a little cruel having taken my course of action.

All I can sort of say is that people bring things upon themselves.

Heard about orientation games and decide to skip them altogether when it's my freshman year.
Seems like there are so many sexual elements involved that I'm disgusted by.
Call me uptight or whatever, but I see no fun in getting humiliated and I'm those type of people who won't play games that I 玩不起。

Seems like the games I can play are mind games because I feel like I'm such a manipulator.
Guess I need to stop wearing a mask and being so pretentious.

But tell me, who will bare everything about themselves in front of strangers?
Everyone has secrets to hide.

Politics is only a fun game if you win at it.

I think I said it before.

I like to lip-sync to songs and smile to myself on the bus to unnerve people.

Journey to the West gets freaking lame after awhile.
How can Sun Wu Kong fall for the same tricks over and over again?
Does he never learn that if he just sticks to his teacher, his teacher will never get abducted by the demons?

Oh well, never mind that show that's been repeated to death.

Revenge seems like a shining paragon of good drama that's souped up with its namesake.
I can't wait to watch how many different ways you can take revenge on someone.

I wonder how would everyone fare if they were to be judged on a scale from good to evil.
I clearly lie in the grayest area of them all.

I suspect that I grew so tall is because I tiptoe sometimes while I walk.

Anyway, hearing my juniors' first day of school just made me so disgusted at how ugly people are. Not telling your classmates that there are lessons - how horrid! I think their souls have been eroded by their selfishness. Shows you how kind people are.

And I thought my heart was the graceless one.

Not a fantastic day at work. My stores are filled to the brim thanks to a certain someone who insisted on indenting items for NDP. Now, I have to absorb all the stores. Almost felt like collapsing after seeing all the unwanted stores come back. I seriously invite auditors to come and check us. Sometimes I feel like being a whistleblower because no matter how hard you try to hold things together, there are tonnes of people out there to ruin it for you.

I've expected disasters, but not till this extent...

Thank goodness my new superior seems reasonable and logical. I have also divulged all our malpractices to him. Now the onus is on him to clear up years of crap. How exhilarating it is for him.

Ugh, some days I don't even know why I turn up for work.

I swear that I can do a much better job than many incompetent whiny people, who spend half their time complaining, and the other half smoking their lungs to oblivion. They obviously end up accomplishing next to nothing, and then continue again that they are too swamped with work.

If I had system rights, I trust that this wouldn't happen because I don't like to be chased by people for their silly requests for chairs (insert choice of item). Woes of a middleman. Hey, I relayed your requests OK, but my superior doesn't want to do his job. What am I supposed to do? Go to a golden nest and lay out a freaking office chair?

I did my part.

After awhile, I think I just stopped caring because my soul is dead from my own problems. I am more concerned about whether I am on the correct side of my bedroom window, not whether you get your freaking chair. Go share a chair with someone, or just sit on the floor!

17 months in and I realise many people do not deserve my good service. But I still try, and my goodwill is wearing thin.

I don't think people living on a thread are interested in scholarships, do you?

Anyway I swear the highlight of driving theory lessons must be footage of traffic accidents. How morbid.

I think I show a strong adversity to crowds because I feel especially lonely amidst the chaos and ruckus. It's like the noise drowns out your very existence, and you realise you are a mere player, an insignificant being in the grand scheme of things.

Moving on.

In any case, I am glad I escaped dressing up like a Christmas tree as part of some silly National Day Observance Parade. My understudy described it as an experience to live the life of a solar panel. I'm not too concerned about the crappy sunny weather, though. The dress code, however, is glaringly obnoxious. I seriously think that the fashion police ought to lock up anyone who dons a red top and  pixelised army trousers for life, for committing such a heinous fashion faux pas. It's times like this where I feel I am the only sane one. I lay on my bed the whole morning reading a novel instead of being part of this ABSURDITY.

I guess this shows how unpatriotic I am. Why pledge allegations to a nation when it feels like you are living in your very own dystopia? In this millennium, freedom of people and ideas is king.

I wonder why I haven't dressed up like some forest nymph and trot into the woods spreading fairy dust, or making speeches about love like some crazed hippie yet.

Attended my cousin's baby's first month celebrations yesterday at Food for Thought @ Botanic Gardens. The food was great, and satisfied my penchant for Western cuisine. As such, I downed 2 rounds of the food and subsequently skipped dinner (the shower was at 3pm). It was much better than the standard buffet fare, although I guess it costs a bomb. The Pesto Linguine, Potato Gratin with Spinach and Mini Beef Hamburgers were totally awesome. The Red Velvet was a slight let-down though, it had buttercream icing instead of cream cheese.

Was waiting to cross the road after we left the celebrations when Dad farted. He claimed that he was practicing for a NDP segment where there would be farting synchronised to a tune, and that the syncing was difficult. Cheap humour, ha.

A cheesecake brownie is now in the making.

This time I tripled the amount of cream cheese because I realised I only used half the quantity the previous time round out of folly. I thought a block of Philadelphia cream cheese was 500g. Genius.

Hope it turns out great.

I think it’s high time to make a grand entrance to the hip and happening blogging scene once more, so here I am!

My reason for blogging again is that I am a freaking compulsive liar. Every single day I pretend I am functional and okay in front of everyone, when I’m not. This blog will thus serve as an outlet for me to pour my heart and soul out. I will try to be less obscure about it and tell the truth of myself to the best of my efforts. You can get the latest and the most truthful reports about me (YAY!) right here on this blog.

Ugh, I’m plagued by technical difficulties while trying to write my first post. How convenient. A middle finger to you right now, my beloved internet service provider.

No, Microsoft Word, I don’t give a damn that I write my blog posts in fragmented sentences. So deal with it. Green lines don’t make me love you any much more.

Right, back to the very purpose of this blog.

I think I should confess that this year and the past has been a tumultuous year for me. I’ve been a wreck (still am, by the way) over my NS life. Even though I may have performed well work wise (I think audits will uncover that this is not the case), the thought of going back to that wretched island by the name of Pulau Tekong just tips me over into a complete mess.

So yeah, I’m in the midst of a major depressive episode even after the big hoo-ha last year. I do harbour (I’m using British spelling, stop correcting me you silly Microsoft Word) suicidal thoughts still. Don’t even know if the antidepressants are working. I’m supposed to be in Tekong right now, but I had a complete meltdown on Monday, bawling and crying my soul out. The effect is that I feel very dazed and tired right now.

 I don’t know whether I want people to view me as a depression patient, or a completely normal human being. But whatever you choose to think of me as, I will like to, foremost extend gratitude to my friends and family for being just there. You have no idea how much it means to me. I am very selfish for thinking about suicide, I must admit, and I’m trying to purge the negativity out of my silly brain.   

I’ve inclinations about just jumping out of my bedroom window even though I figured that I wouldn’t die. I have researched quite extensively on suicide (everyone wants to go the painless route I presume), and I guess I should be grateful I don’t have access to cyanide, because damn, I will be dead a thousand times over. But yeah, I like to play out the morbid fantasies of my death/hospitalisation in my head just to see who cares about me. You should realise by now I’m a very disturbed individual, so let’s just leave it at that. I hope to move past this dark phase; further treatment should be in order. 

Guess this post is getting lengthy, so hope you had a nice glimpse of my thoughts! More to come, definitely.

In case you wonder about all the lyrics that I like to post on my Facebook wall. Yeah they are a true representation of my current state of mind.