It's funny how I can suddenly feel so sad while walking alone in the shopping mall.
Alas, to combat my depressive episodes, I should do things that make me happy.
I'm going to cook and bake more, though the unintended consequence will be being fat.

I think I probably sabotaged myself from getting hired by admitting that I had/have (does it matter?) clinical depression. It would be easy to brush it off by claiming it's their loss, but who's kidding right? I am still sponging off my parents. But really, I'm apathetic to my employment status when I'm perpetually in the state of not wanting to live, and yet won't put in effort to die either. Yes, I'm having a slight depressive episode, but I won't do anything stupid. I play out the various scenarios in which I die, some more grotesque than others. 

I guess I can never commit myself to anything anymore since I can't envision much of my future; I'm content with living a mediocre meaningless existence.

I am so tired.

Was a nervous wreck when I stepped into the MND complex 30 minutes before my interview, but I composed myself taking a dump in their relatively clean toilet. Yes, I love leaving the grotesque details in.

They had an assignment for me which is to write a blog post regarding cats. This was to determine my standard of writing. I don't think I excelled in it despite my best attempts to inject flair into my writing and trying a bit desperately to show that I have a rather expansive vocabulary.

While I wouldn't say the interview was a breeze, I felt it was okay as I miraculously remained quite calm. I think the approachable panel helped as well. Though, pay wise it's on the lower end that I'm expecting. Hope I do get the job, even though I will be okay about it if I didn't, honestly speaking.

I am disgusted by the enormous amount of self-pity I have for myself.
Whenever I look at others, I feel ashamed of my own puny achievements, or the lack thereof.

I realise that everyone do have their own share of problems, and if you really want to be someone else you have to inherit all the problems they face. Still, I admire others for the ability to move on from things, while I can't help but just project all the gloom I've experienced onto everything else, desiring to just wither away from the face of this planet.

I am tired of having to fulfill people's expectations of me, but sadly, there is no way to truly do so because I am content with and think it is perfectly fine being a domesticated person, which to many, is not an ambition at all.

If I were someone else, I wouldn't even be friends with myself because I'm negative and passive-aggressively seeking attention through mindless antics. In short, I'm nothing more than a toxic cynic who just dampens the atmosphere by simply existing.

I should really be followed by a rain cloud like Eeyore.

I think I am jinxed today. 

Just when I had gotten my debit card, it got engulfed by the first ATM I used it at, thus making me queue for a second time at the bank. What joy.

The lesson of the day is patience. 

Really into the song 燕尾蝶 now because I like how it gives ample opportunity to shout the lyrics.

让我做燕尾蝶，拥抱最后的美梦，让我短暂快乐和感动~

I thought that was a very good line until I found out that the caterpillars of a certain species of the Swallowtail  butterfly masquerade as bird shit.